“Delight yourself also, in the lord, and he shall give you the desires of your heart”….
So, if you know me personally then you know that this has been a VERY exciting year for me. One reason especially, because I will finallyyyyyyyyyyy be starting seminary school in the fall. Emphasis on “finally” because it has been a difficult road for me to get here, (a five year road to be specific). But, I wouldn’t trade the process for any other journey because I have truly, truly found out what it means to wait on and trust in The Lord, when your desires are rooted in His.
I was accepted into Dallas Theological Seminary in the spring of 2011 for Biblical Counseling… a little after I graduated from PVAMU. I knew God had told me to go to school. I just knew it, felt it, desired it so much. This has to be Him telling me to do this right? It made so much sense to me! Well, long story short I ran with the desire, applied, and I was accepted but I ran into a few issues.
1.) I needed tuition money: I hadn’t saved up any money, since I wasn’t able to find a job out of school right away, and I did NOT want to apply for anymore loans. yuck. So I guess ill get a job?….
2.) Couldn’t find a job: I literally did not find work from early 2010- late 2012… Ummm, Ok Lord….
3.) Didn’t have a car: I’m not making my parents commute back and forth to campus, picking me up/taking me to school everyday. Nope. Not going to happen. I am growwwwwwn (*snaps fingers*)
…All that to say, I pushed my acceptance out every semester for almost a year and a half, while I tried to find a job in order to pay for a car, and save money for tuition, when finally DTS said I couldn’t push it out anymore. I would have to re-apply all over again. Frustrated, I asked The Lord, “Why would this happen? I thought you wanted me to go to Seminary? Where are these resources supposed to come from?!” And very quietly The Lord said, “I don’t want you working, or doing anything right now…Just wait until its time, and spend everyday with me.” So I did. I put everything on hold, and spent almost 2 years just waking up, praying in my closet a few hours, reading my bible and spending time with the parents. And I learned SO MUCH about God, myself, and truly became obsessed with Him Lol. (Now of course, down the line I got a job; you can go read my first blog post, to hear all about that!- and I eventually got a car, Praise Jesus). But the longing in my heart was still ever present…If I could jus get the money, all would be well in the world!!
So okay. I’ll just forget about it Lord.
Lets fast forward to this year, 2015. I’ve been working for about two years now, trying (key word is trying) to save up money for school, but all the while if I’m going to be honest, I had started to give up. My savings account was just NOT growing at all, and I didn’t know what to do since I’ve never qualified for grants. I accepted in my mind that seminary was obviously supposed to happen later in my life. Maybe once I’m married… maybe down the line as an older woman I’ll go… I don’t know. But something happened in January. I felt this nudge out of no where to expect something to happen. Didn’t know what it was, especially since I was not thinking it was school anymore. That was four lonnnng years ago…
I ran into the young adult pastor at my church who said, “Hey you know there is a scholarship open for incoming seminary students? You should apply, the application is due at end of next month…” I gave him a very quick, “Sorry, but I haven’t even applied to school, let alone thought about trying again in almost a year.” Now, this man asked me almost every time I saw him, if I had applied, to the point where I said, “Ok God…is this you?” As soon as I asked Him, I got a knot in my throat…uh-oh…this really might be it??? So, I told myself, it couldn’t hurt to at-least try, so I hurriedly applied for school again, and checked that off the list. I then browsed over to the church scholarship application where to my surprise, the details were as follows:
Must be an active member at-least 5 years (….hey, that’s me…) must be serving in a church ministry at-least 3 years (…Hey, that’s me too…) Must be involved in this, must be involved in that, get recommendations from these people, and so on, and so on, and so on… Hey, I have all of these strangely specific involvements AND needed time frames….As I scroll to he bottom of the page I see that this scholarship is SPECIFICALLY for women, entering seminary for the FIRST time, and will be given $25,000…………… God…THIS. IS. CRAY CRAY.
Had I started school in 2011, and decided to stop because I couldn’t make payments on time, or consistently get a ride to campus, I wouldn’t have been qualified to apply for this strangely specific scholarship (because you have to be going for the first time) It literally will pay 95% of my schooling over a 2year time frame. No wonder The Lord said WAIT so many years ago. He wanted me to have THIS funding, at THIS time, and I needed these past 4 years to get involved with the strangely specific ministries needed to qualify, that I wasn’t involved in before. Its almost like this scholarship was DESIGNED by God, through the church staff FOR me and my situation. Talk about God supplying your needs before even knowing what they are right?! 😀 So what can we take from this?..
Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the lord with all your heart, and lean not unto your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” Now I know I just used this scripture in my last post, but this scripture is so perfect for so many different things. When we trust God, we are actively striving to show Him that we believe what He has promised… To be faithful. He tells us over and over again, :Child, I am the trustworthy one…lean all your weight on ME for I am the only one that can support you and never fail or break.” In order to trust God, you must relinquish all control. Give him complete control over your life, and fret not about what you don’t understand. The scripture is telling you that when you put your trust in him for whatever situation, you WILL have the tendency to rely on understanding it with your feeble mind. Give it to Him. Acknowledge Him in all things, decisions, and situations. Allow him to be a part of your everyday stuff (what freeway should I take today? How should I ask my boss this question? What time should I go to bed today? Who do I need to call and get advice from? etc.) Once you do that, you will start this ever growing process of getting to know His heart and what He desires…Building a REAL relationship, and knowing Him intimately. Therefore, you will then plainly see how He is constantly making paths in your life straight…He is changing your perception and helping you ENDURE the allotted time of waiting on Him to fulfill that desire. When we wait on God to act, or give us an answer it can be tiring. But just know that He heard you.
I waited for almost 5 years and almost gave up hope, but I steadily told myself, “You know this desire has come from The Lord, and matches things you want to purse in your future…Just give him time.” So this past January when I felt like something was coming, I had my eyes and heart open, and I’m so thankful that God was patient with me. I cried, and screamed and got mad at Him so many times! Just throwing all kinds of tantrums. But because He is faithful, and patient toward us and our screaming, I was able to lean on Him and trust that He was up to something.
New Living Translation
“The Lord isn’t really being slow about his promise, as some people think. No, he is being patient for your sake. He does not want anyone to be destroyed, but wants everyone to repent.” – 2Peter 3:9